Best Quotes From Marriage Matters

I finished reading Marriage Matters by Winston T. Smith today. This book has a lot to say about the state of marriages and how to make them better. Here are some of the most powerful quotes from the book: Every marriage has ... moments marked by frustration, disappointment, anger, or sadness ... (pg. 5)

Sometimes lasting change happens quickly and dramatically, but usually this kind of change requires deliberate, careful steps over a long period of time. People who insist on quick fixes and dramatic turning points often miss the path to real, lasting change. What's more, the longer path to change is what the Bible holds out to us as the more typical way that God  works in our lives. (pg. 7)

...your marriage will change when you make different choices and keep making those choices in light of your relationship with God - a relationship that's bigger than your marriage. (pg. 12)

Your ability or willingness to love your spouse says as much about your relationship with God as about your relationship with your spouse. (pg. 18)

... worshipping God always leads to transformation and change. (pg. 28)

... relationship problems are worship problems. I was loving something more than I was loving God. (pg. 30)

If your marriage is going to change, you need to change. (pg. 36)

Being in a relationship with Jesus has everything to do with how we act in the ordinary, difficult moments of marriage. (pg 52)

If your marriage is going to be transformed, it must start with you. You need a new way of understanding the ordinary moments of your marriage. (pg. 71)

Honoring them doesn't mean we approve of everything they do. It doesn't mean that we like them. It means we view and treat them as belonging to God, not to us. (pg. 77)

Manipulation sees others as objects that exist to serve my own felt needs. Honor sees others as God's image bearers who exist for him. (pg. 83)

One way to immediately begin to transform ordinary moments into extraordinary ones is to pause, no mater how annoyed you are, and ask, "What's God trying to teach me?" (pg. 88)

The inflammatory things that were being said were reactions to and an inability to deal with what was not being said. (pg. 94)

The kind of honesty that reflects God's love requires sharing the right information in the right way, a way that leads to oneness and growth. (pg.95)

True honesty, not just the basic skills of speaking and listening, requires faith: it's a matter of worship. (pg. 102)

Recognize that your understanding is always shaped and limited by your own perception. You never see everything; you only see what you see. You never hear everything; you only hear what you hear. ... Approach every topic with humility - a willingness to learn something new and correct faulty understandings. (pg. 108)

... if you are unwilling to share in your spouse's emotions, your spouse isn't likely to feel loved. (pg. 112)

In the act of dishonesty we're refusing to believe that we can really trust Jesus and come out of hiding. (pg. 119)

Constructive honesty, or wholesome talk, is what's most beneficial in the moment, whether it be a kind word, encouragement, correction, warning, or even silence. (pg. 124)

... God uses conflict to accomplish good in the lives of his people by destroying sin and establishing the very peace he desires. (pg. 138)

... once you know yourself as a broken image bearer, a worshipper gone wrong, a rebel against God, you must look for the source of your problems by examining yourself first. (pg. 144)

... we can be right in principle, but so wrong in the way we act on that principle that we're harming others; we're not acting in love. (pg. 157)

Conflict resolution is about more that figuring out who's right and who's wrong. It requires us to know more than the facts of the issue at hand. We also have to know enough about each other and love itself to plot a course that leads to growth. (pg. 161)

Jesus doesn't establish peace by ignoring sin; he establishes peace by defeating sin. (pg. 161)

Embracing what Jesus has done for us and extending that in thought, word, and deed to others is the essence of forgiveness. (pg. 167)

Growing in forgiveness will require you to stay focused on Jesus, interacting with him and learning from him just as you must do in every other area of life. (pg. 173)

Bestowing forgiveness isn't about looking inside yourself to find an appropriate emotional response; it's about focusing on God's love and grace and asking for the ability to pass it on to your spouse. (pg. 187)

Confessing sin is a proclamation of the gospel: a proclamation that there's a way back from failure, that there's rescue and healing from brokenness. (pg. 189)

Husbands have one overarching duty: to love. (pg. 204)

As a husband, your love for your wife has a specific goal: her holiness. (pg. 205)

Patient, careful communication allows a couple to build unity in marriage and makes unilateral decision making unnecessary. (pg. 207)

God asks wives to allow their husband to love and care for them, and to trust that God will care for them even when their husbands fail. (pg. 208)

In relationships we're always moving in one of three directions: towards others, away from others, or against others. (pg. 210)

As Jesus led and submitted he endured great hardship, but he trusted God to work through even the most difficult moments. (pg. 215)

Intimacy is made up of at least two critical ingredients: being known and being safe. (pg. 219)

Almost every characteristic of heart-level intimacy has a critical counterpart in the area of physical intimacy. The outer is always a fruit of the inner. (pg. 222)

The moment we aren't nurtured by God's love we begin to die spiritually. (pg. 243)

Living in God's grace means embracing the truth that Jesus alone can solve our problems and that we need him every day. (pg. 243)

To persevere through the difficulties of marriage, you must have faith that God is present and active even when you can't see what he's up to. (pg. 246)

Grace isn't God adding something to our best efforts but working through our worst efforts and redeeming us. (pg. 248)

The most dangerous moment in marriage, and life, occurs when you believe that nothing you do will make a difference. (pg. 254)

God promises to complete the work he's begun in you. Don't look for changes in your spouse; look for them in yourself. (pg. 255)

We want dramatic, instantaneous, and lasting change. Jesus' work, however, is often subtle, working change in and through us over time, and allowing for many ups and downs. (pg. 261)

Faith, being focused on the unseen person and activity of God, often calls you to move against your fears, doubts, disappointment, and anger. (pg. 263)

Faith rests on the most basic of beliefs: the belief that God is real, he takes action, and he rewards those who seek him. (pg. 264)

The danger of faulty memory isn't merely unhappiness; a faulty memory sets you on a course of pride, rebellion, and destruction. (pg. 274)

Rather than becoming angry and disappointed with God for what's lacking in your marriage, expect him to walk with you as he did Israel, and watch for his faithfulness day by day. (pg. 275)

Physical bread is important when you're in danger of physical starvation; spiritual bread is important when you're in danger of starving your marriage. (pg. 276)

God uses the mundane to show his love in Christ to you and the world around you. (pg. 280)

Quotes taken from Marriage Matters by Winston T. Smith ©2010 by New Growth Press

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